Yes, yes, simmer down, I know you were all dying for another installment of konsole karaoke. Happily, the ESRB issued another of its fabulous spoiler alerts, letting us know we’ll be wailing along with one-hit wonders sometime soon. It’s rated T for “Lyrics, Mild Violence, Sexual Themes, Use of Alcohol and Tobacco,” but any objectionable content seems to come from the accompanying music videos. Let’s read the certificate and [[link]] see if we can pick out the songs: “Music videos include depictions of men and women in revealing outfits performing provocative choreography; for example, women in negligees, black bras, panties dancing inside a classroom [Van Halen: “Hot for Teacher” or J. Geils Band “Centerfold”?]; large amounts of exposed cleavage, some grinding dance moves; and background images of storefronts/signs reading “25 cent Peepshows,” “Live Sex [[link]] Theatre,” and “Topless Girls Dancing.” [Madonna: “Open Your Heart?”] Some videos depict people smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol (beer, champagne, ale, etc.). A video depicts two claymation-style armies wielding swords, striking each other, losing limbs in battle; another video briefly shows a woman with a pistol shooting a man. [I should know both of these. They escape me.] Song lyrics may contain references to sexuality (e.g., “Ménage à trios,” “She’s a very kinky girl,” “I really love to taste her,” and “You don’t have to sell your body to the night”) [The last three are “Superfreak” by Rick James; “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman” by Bryan Adams, and “Roxanne” by The Police.] No clue when this releases, so you’re going to have to be satisified with wailing “Take [[link]] on Me” in the shower a little while longer. Lips: I (Heart) the ’80s Rating Certificate [ESRB]